What is "ugly"?

“Oh, she’s beautiful.”
“Eww, he’s ugly!”

You’ve heard people say that before, you’ve most likely said that before, too.
Thanks to the wonderful society, we’ve grown to think that beauty or ugliness is someone’s appearance.
But, let me tell you, it is not true.
What makes a person beautiful or ugly is not how they look on the outside.
It is not their hair, skin, teeth, eyes, weight, etc. that makes a person ugly or beautiful.
How a person looks on the outside is just how a person looks on the outside.
When God created man, He created him in His image.
This means, all humans, male and female, were created equal in beauty.  Whether or not you find someone beautiful is simply opinion. If you’re attracted to someone, well of course you’re going to find them to be beautiful. But just because you are not attracted to someone, it does not make them ugly.

So what does make a person ugly?
Their personality. If they have a terribly rotten personality, and treat people with disrespect and is rude and just plain mean, THAT is what makes someone ugly.
Have you heard parents tell their child, when he’s done something bad, “That was ugly!” or “You’re being ugly!”? They’re not telling their child that they now look ugly for what they did, they’re telling him that what he did was not nice, and it was rude or hateful. 

“You are not ugly, but if you act ugly, you will become ugly.”

So if being rude, disrespectful and hateful makes an ugly person, then what makes a beautiful person?
Everyone was born beautiful or handsome, whether or not someone else finds them attractive.
But if you act ugly, you will become ugly, because your heart will be ugly.
To be beautiful is to act beautiful; honest and fair, friendly and helpful, considerate and caring. Not doing ugly things makes you beautiful – sounds simple, doesn’t it?

If you crave to be beautiful, you do not have to change your outward appearance. You have to change your heart.

How does one get smarts?

Smarts.
How does one know if someone else is smart?
By the way they talk? How they work?
How does one know if they, themselves, are smart?
A wise man told me once, “Smart doesn’t come from a book.”
This kind of confused me just a little.
If smart does not come from a book, where does it come from?
Experience, maybe?
I question my own intelligence a lot of the time.
I’m quite dumb, often.
But the wise man says that I’m far from dumb, I’m “just ignorant. Dumb is refusing to learn. Not knowing is ignorance. Babies aren’t dumb, even though they’re ignorant of everything.”
Except I do know a few dumb kids, I work with a few of them.
But if this is true, I’m pretty ignorant of about 98% of everything in the world.
The things that I do know are mostly just common knowledge, which sadly isn’t that common anymore.
I’m a photographer, I have a professional business; but I couldn’t tell you anything about cameras. Pretty much the only thing I know about photography is how to take a good picture and what a good picture looks like. I don’t really know any of the photography lingo or how to do any cool camera tricks. When I buy a camera, I mainly go for a good, long zoom, and a good number of megapixels.
Kind of weird, isn’t it?
Yes, I agree.
There is a whole bunch that I don’t know. Name a topic, any topic, I bet you I don’t know much, if anything, about that subject.
Unless it’s children/teaching children, dealing with/treating people, or self-harm. I know a lot about those things.
But pretty much everything else in the world, I’m an ignorant fool.

Which, I guess, just means I need to live more to experience more? To learn more, to know more, right?
Right.
So, where do you think it is that I can go find a life and live?
Anyone know?
Because it’s not really happening here, in Forest.

That cursed yellow #5

So, I always feel so stupid when I talk to certain people.
Because they're a lot smarter than me.
And then with other people I talk to, I feel like a master genius.
My cousin, Chad, is one of the people that make me feel so dumb.
If he reads this, he's going to shake his finger at me and say "You are not dumb, child, stop saying that." or something around those lines.
"It's ignorance not dumbness."

Chad reminds me a lot of Zac.
Certain things Chad says sounds a lot like Zac.
I can just see Zac whenever Chad says those things.
Like yesterday when we were talking about Mello Yello.
Speaking of Mello Yello, I fail at life.
I bought a bottle of Mello Yello yesterday.
I took it out of the Coca-Cola fridge at Wal-Mart, put it on the check-out counter, put it back in the fridge, took it back out, put it back. And then at the very last second, took it back out and bought it.
Last night, I realized I shouldn't have bought it.
After only just a few sips, I found my mood crashing to the ground.
Chad, if you are reading this, I believe the Mello Yello is the reason the mood of the conversation went to Mexico.

Also, I'm addicted to writing. Letters and whatnot. If you want to be a supporter of this addiction, just give me your address.

I am currently in a room full of sleeping children.
Thank you, Lord.
I'm so happy they're all finally quiet and still.
Today has not been a good day for me.
I was hoping to be able to still have my class, even with a teacher out.
But no.
I tried to make the best of it, but they're all so wild and bee aye dea.
Thankfully they're all asleep.
An hour and a half left to go of nap time.
I hope they all stay asleep til then.
A break is so needed.

I got on the scale this morning and SCORE.
Finally got off that one, stupid, number I've been stuck on all month.
I've lost three pounds.
Which all together, this year, makes 18 pounds.
To reach my first goal, I just need to lose 25 more.

If anyone wants to buy me new shoes, I would forever be grateful.
I have almost completely worn out my one pair of shoes.
I wear a size 9 1/2 ;D

Anyway.
I set off Zac's birthday balloon today.
Even though his birthday was Saturday.
It was actually hard for me.
I didn't think it would be hard.
But it was.
I guess I thought, deep down, that my letting go of the balloon symbolized me letting go of him.
That's not what it was supposed to be for.
It was just a birthday card-type thing.
But as soon as I let it go, I wanted to grab it back and just keep it.
But it already was way too far up for me to grab.
It was gone in almost an instant.
I felt pretty empty after that.
Until the kids got me to shoot some hoops.
I'm not that terrible at free throws.
But dribbling is hard.
Especially on pea-gravel.

So much for no internet and phone for a whole month, huh?
Yeah, I know.
But hey, before you fuss at me for failing, I'd like to see you try it.

I found this poem in my room.

Far past the mountain tops
In the valleys of the clouds
Where the dew of the moon
Fell upon the thin blades of grass
Where music comes from rain
Hitting the ground
And lightening clapping hands
With the stars
Where waterfalls splash silently
On the rivers below
The butterflies dance around the sun
Giving off light on the trees
As stained glass from their wings
Where the fruit of the tree
Is as sweet as the honey from the bee
It's down in the South
In a little town in Mississippi
Under the rainbows
Pass the pot of gold
Before you run into tornadoes
Just past the field of flowers
Inside of an old broken down train station
This little city sits
In my imagination

-Karianne Henderson, June 2nd, 2008

People are people. Color is color.

Here’s something that has been getting to me, also; Racism. It’s not only the fact that racism even exists, it’s also the fact that people argue “Race doesn’t matter.” There is only one race, God created only ONE race; the human race. Skin color is skin color. Even people of the “same race” don’t have the exact same color skin. That being said, I believe racism is merely stereotypic. You shouldn’t be stereotyping people, everyone is different, and that is to say, we all have our own minds.  God created us all equal. You hear that a lot, don’t you? Especially when people talk about racism, didn’t Dr. King state it in his speech?

It all fits together, love and wisdom. You have to learn and understand that all people are people. No matter what they look like, act like, talk like, all people are of one race. You can be 14 different colors and still be a family. Color is just color. Imagine your bed room being strictly just one color, and everything that enters into it has to be the exact same color. You can’t buy things or invite people over that is not that one color. Seems kind of silly doesn’t it? Well that’s what racism is.

If you can learn and understand that all people are one race, and all people are created equal, you can better love. How are we created equal, you may ask? God gave us all the same important organ; a heart. We all have a heart and a mind of our own, God gave us a free will. We can do what we want, pretty much. But if you don’t choose love, you choose hate. You can’t have both and you can’t choose neither.

If you want the world to be better, learn to understand this simple fact:  God created one race; the human race. Man created racism.

Every person you come across in life has a heart and has a story. The way you treat them may very well push them over the edge, or save their life. You really wouldn’t want someone to hurt themselves all because a stranger didn’t treat them as a person with a heart, would you?

Consideration; the man in front of you may be going too slow in front of you, because he’s old, and can’t go the speed limit because it’s a little hard for him to see. You don’t need to lay on your horn, speed past him, and flip him off when you pass.

Did you ever consider that the group of teenagers (whatever color) act the way they do, because you treat them with about the same respect as a group of ants trying to invade in on your picnic? If you expect and react in the manner that the group of teenagers is going to mug you and steal all of your goods, then you’re helping them turn into the thugs they become to be.  This could very well be the case. The way you treat people, even the “nobodies”, does have an impact on every single person.

Respect; if you treat everyone with the same amount of respect you would want (or think you deserve), would the world not be a better place? Love is respect, respect is love.

People are people. Color is color. People are not the color of their skin. We were all created by the same God, we were all created with a heart, we all have a story, we all have scars, we all need to love and be loved.

This just went everywhere.

Whether you believe it to be true or not, God created man. And not only that, but God created man to love. Due to our sinful nature, it is hard for man to love. You don’t think that’s true, that it’s hard for us to love? Take a look at the world around you. “Hate is a strong word”, they say, but they live in hate daily. People hate food, hating the weather, hating music, hating a certain celebrity, hating life, hating situations, hating people. Hate has consumed the world and all that is in it.

Hate may be a strong word, but love shouldn’t be. People keep saying that they want change. They want a better life; they want the world and their life to be different – better. But that cannot happen without love. If you want your life to be better, you must first learn how to love, and love with all your might. You have to not only love other people, but love yourself, too. Teach other people how to love by the way you love.

But, what is love, exactly? How can you love other people? How can you love yourself? Love is doing something for someone what you would want done for you. Love is free. Grace – getting something you don’t deserve. If someone is being the worst kind of person you could ever imagine, treating you like you mean absolutely nothing, and making you feel terrible every day, what should you do to them if you had the chance? If that person lost everything, their job, their house, their family, what would you do? Nothing, laugh, or help them? Don’t answer just what you think I’d want to hear. Answer in complete honesty. Now, imagine you lost everything; what would you want someone to do for you?  Is the answer to that question the same as the answer to the first?

Random acts of kindness, all of the time, to people you know, strangers, family, people you can’t stand, people who disrespect you. Common courtesy is something that has been forgotten by the people of the world. Common courtesy being; holding the door open for people, letting people in line ahead of you, smiling at someone as you walk by them, cleaning up a mess that you see, etc. Common courtesy isn’t the only thing forgotten by the human race; common knowledge has also been forgotten. And on top of that, patience isn’t even practiced anymore.  Now we have high-speed internet, fast-food restaurants, super fast cars, internet on your mobile device. The world is creating things to make it easier for you to get what you want right now. Patience and hard work are two things slowly disappearing from our world. With the high-speed internet and the super fast fast-food restaurants, it’s making people think that they can get anything they want really fast. What happened to hard work and patience?

Well, now I’m just ranting.

I do whole heartily believe that what the world needs most is love. Everybody just needs to learn to love. Love others, love self. The more you eat healthy foods, the less you crave unhealthy foods – the more you love, the less you hate. It makes sense, doesn’t it?

“Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails.”

First, learn to love yourself; love who you are, and decide you can do yourself a whole lot better.  Feed your body the nutrients it needs; put down the cheeseburger, and pick up the salad. Feed your mind the good it needs; at least for a few days, turn off the TV and the computer, and read a good book.  Feed your heart; love, and be loved.

Write. Write in a journal, write letters to people. Put down your cell phone, and sit down and write anything and everything. Everyone loves getting mail, I know I do. Make someone smile by sending them a letter. They won’t expect it, and it may very well make their day.

Love others more than you love yourself, but love yourself more than you love material things. Your computer or phone or TV may die, but you can just buy a new one. But honey, when you die, that’s it. You can’t buy yourself another life. That’s it. Treat yourself right, and treat everyone else better.

“I will do my best to be honest and fair, friendly and helpful, considerate and caring, courageous and strong, and responsible for what I say and do. And to respect myself and others, respect authority, use resources wisely, make the world a better place, and be a sister to every Girl Scout.”  Now, if everyone lived their life by The Girl Scout Law, the world would be amazing.

That’s another thing; people have lost the ability to be considerate. Because all they are concerned about are themselves. Today I saw a group of buggies, in the Wal-Mart parking lot, two feet beside the cart thing. All they had to do was walk a few steps to put the buggy away, and out of the way of the cars. But instead, they leave their buggy in the middle of the parking lot, so many people are unable to get in a parking spot. Lazy and inconsiderate. Also today, in a bathroom at a restaurant, I noticed a pile of used paper towels on the floor right beside the trash can. Instead of taking the one second it takes to open the lid and dropping the paper towel in the trash can, they decide, rather, to just throw the paper towel down on the floor.  Oh how it frustrates me.

Love, patience, consideration, common courtesy, common knowledge.

Wake up, people! This isn’t Subway, you can’t demand what you want, exactly how you want it, and expect to get it without doing any of the work yourself.

Grace - getting what you don't deserve.
Mercy - not getting what you do deserve.


I'll have more to rant about later.

I'm just trying to be a better me.

I have been researching all over tonight.
According to my BMI, I'm obese.
So, now I'm even more determined.

I'm making an actual plan, and an actual goal.
Starting, officially, next week I'm going to be on a .....
New...
Awesome...
Ish..
Lifestyle/diet/whatever you want to call it.

I'll be going grocery shopping tomorrow,
and I'll be buying a lot of fruit and vegetables.
And my goal is to eat mainly that, and have nuts for a snack.
I tried Nature's Harvest Organic Nature's Trail Mix today.
And it's fantastic.
It's not usually what I nom.
But I tried it, and oh my nom, it is a great omnom to nom.

Juice fasts, and liquid diets are really hard for me.
At least, 5 to 7 day long fasts.
I may try two day fasts.
But week-long are hard.

-----
I'm going to aim for;

-at least 1 liter of water a day.
-at least 10,000 steps a day
-at least an hour of cardio a day
-at least one vegetable for every meal

I'll not only be working on my physical health, but
also my mental and emotional health.
I'll be, and have been, reading everyday.
And writing, too.
I have tried writing in journals and diaries for years, and years.
It never seemed to help.
And I just realized why.
No one was listening.
I needed someone to listen.
So I'm writing still,
but now,
to people.

And the book I'm reading now, I'm only on the second chapter,
And I already highly recommend it.
It is so great, interesting, and funny.
It's called Eat My Globe by Simon Majumdar.
I got it for $1 at Dollar Tree, originally $26.
Score.

Also,
I'm not just working on my health,
I'm also working on my appearance.
Not telling you what I'm doing there to improve myself.
It'll have to be a surprise whenever you see me.

I'm not trying to be someone else.
I'm just trying to be a better me.

Everything I feel currently.

I've been ill all weekend. And when I am ill, I become pretty pathetic. So, I was perfectly pathetic this weekend.
But it was okay, because I used my illness as an excuse to watch movies practically the whole time.

Movies I watched:

Another Cinderella Story
Teen Witch
Bewitched
Practical Magic
Miss Congeniality
Pretty Woman
Fire Proof
Letters to Juliet
A Cinderella Story

And I kind of want to watch Fire Proof again before I go to sleep.
I highly recommend it, it is such an amazing movie.

I'm not supposed to be on the computer right now.
Every challenge I set for myself, this year, I've failed already.
Except for no sodas all year.
But other than that, every one, every challenge I challenged myself, failed.
Given up.
Just like that.
What a failure I am.
I'm not very strong-willed at all.
It makes me so frustrated sometimes.
But I can't change.
I try to change.
That's what I'm doing  with these challenges.
I'm trying to improve myself.
I guess.
-sigh-


I just want to feel missed.
Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to feel loved so much that if I'm gone for a few days, I'll get a few, at least a few, people trying to talk to me, in some way, because they miss me.
But I'm not missed, huh?
They say they want me to finish my challenge, and that they don't want me to give up on myself.
Even if that may be true, it just feels like they just don't want me to talk to them.
They were looking forward to that month-long vacation from me..

ugh fhjgjbhj,gj

Maybe I'm just too hard on myself, right?
Not like I had anybody's actions, or lack there of, put these thoughts into my head.
Oh no.
I totally just thought all this up on my own.


..........
I did, however, start this challenge to grow closer to God.
And all I did was prove to myself and to Him what I love more.
I'm just realizing this.
He's showing me now.
I'm so stupid.

I guess I'm just feeling a bit lonely.


I didn't think it would be easy,
I just didn't imagine it would be this hard.
-------------


In my own little word,
there would be no television
or phones
or computers.
Just people with instruments, making music
not for money
but because they love making music,
and because it makes them happy.
And there would be no cars.
I don't trust cars.
People would travel by foot, or horse back.
And running late wouldn't be a problem,
because clocks wouldn't exist.
And everybody would be a family,
and see each other as family.
And there would be no money.
Bakers would bake because they love baking.
Restaurants would exist only to serve people, not
to get money.
It's not a business, it's not a job.
People do what they do because it's what needs to be done,
and they actually love doing it.
If your neighbor needed milk, you would go to your barn and milk your own cow.
Because you know that if you were in their position, you would want the same
done for you.
The people in my world would understand the truth about race.
That there is only one race; the human race.
Just because someone has darker or lighter skin than you means nothing at all.
No two birds sing the same song.
There are no black people or white people.
There's just people.
Martin Luther King Jr, was not a black man.
He was just a man.
And I am just a girl.
And we are all just people.
Not only that, we are all a family.
If you treated everyone in the world, like the way you treat your family,
or vice versa, can you even imagine the difference that would make?
In my little world, thinking of self, didn't happen until everyone else is served.
You're hungry, I get that, but you don't need to shove
everyone else aside to be the first in line.
Running late? Understandable, but you don't need to run everybody over to make it there.
Stop rushing through life.
Stop thinking only of yourself and of your future.
Stop your addictions and obsessions with the stupid paper that buys things.
You guys, it's just paper.
Paper.. from a tree.
You're stealing, and killing, and hurting, and using, and lying for, what?
Little rectangle pieces of.. paper.

If all of man kind would focus on these three things, in this particular order,
the world would be such a better place
for everyone;

God first
Others second
Self  last.


----
Well.
Enough ranting for now.